Editor's Note: Haven't we all learned by now that yellow stilettos are the answer to everything?

How to Wear a Plaid Shirt Without Looking Like a Lumberjack

Do you want to look like you're ready for a hot, steamy, juicy, voluptuous plate of flapjacks? But you don't want to look like Paul Bunion ready to saw down a big ol' tree? Read this how-to article and find out how to not look like an oversized truck driver.

 Steps

1. Don't over-accesorize. A rusty pick axe and a plaid shirt will look rancid in this month's Vogue.

2. Always wear a pair of high, bright yellow stilettos.

3. Make yourself a bra of bacon so the dogs go barking. If you are a man, this step is optional for you.

4. Slather yourself in bacon grease so you smell and taste delightful.

5. To make your shirt more unique, you can cut holes in the shirt, and sew on patches of random fabric.

6. To look extra extraordinary, grow a mustache! Stubble will complement your dirty boots.

 Tips

* If you would like, you could always walk your blue ox while wearing your plaid shirt.

* Never braid your hair into a bun, or else you will look like a Swedish old maid.

* Never make fun of other people wearing plaid shirts. It's not very nice.

* Take pride in your plaid shirt wearingness. Show self-confidence, and you will look better.

* Try wearing construction boots if you have problems with high heels. Make sure you wear yellow boots, and not orange, because it will clash.

 Warnings

* You may get attacked by rabid dogs from all the bacon grease slathering. So use in moderation.

* You may be made fun of by other people who don't wear plaid shirts. But don't worry, talk to your friends who wear plaid shirts. They will understand your ridiculing.


Article added: 17 August 2009


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