Editor's Note: how can you watch the Beijing Olympics? How can you watch reruns of Gray's anatomy and Car 54 Where Are You? How can you follow Jack Bauer through an entire season of 24? All these things are possible, my friend, but first you have to know the basics. So here is an article about how to watch TV.

How to Watch Television

This article shows you how to watch television, covering all the little details in this seemingly simple task. This revelations here could be of invaluable assistance to those trying to beat an addiction to reading, crossword puzzles or having sex at Wal Mart.

Steps


1. Locate your television. Perhaps it is in the living room. Sometimes a TV is best kept in the family room. But if your housemate has a sense of humor, he may have placed your only TV on top of the washer. In this case, you will find it next time you begin to do laundry.

2. Locate your remote. This will be much more difficult than finding your television. But you may be able to find it if you start early in the morning and bring sustenance. Consider packing a picnic lunch for the search party. Remotes tend to be fairly small easy-to-miss items, while televisions are quite large. You might miss an entire season of Dancing with the Stars if you leave your remote on the coffee table and then someone lays the Sunday edition of the New York Times upon it. To reduce problems with this kind of loss of valuable TV viewing time, try to get into the habit of recycling old newspapers or just read the Times at the library.  Do this only if you are not trying to break that addiction to reading mentioned above.


3. Take your socks off and get comfortable.  Sit in close proximity to your television. If you don't have a sofa or a couch, you might think about obtaining one as this is a fairly essential item in the modern world of TV viewing. If you place your sofa smack dab in front of the TV, you will be golden for months, nay years, of comfortable viewing.

4.
Take your remote and hold it squarely in your left hand, unless you have a preference for your right hand. Research the difference between the two hands in some kind  of a reference volume. Before embarking on the hobby of TV watching, it is crucial to drill in a solid knowledge of left and right, particularly if you are going to be watching Fox News. 

5. Turn your television on by pressing the Power or On/Off button on your remote. Consult the user manual if you have trouble at this stage, but keep in mind that this guide may be somewhat of a puzzle itself.

6. Change the channel to a show you like. This is a very complicated topic which goes way beyond the scope of this article, due to the variety of channels, and the clockwork-like changing of shows, on usually a half-hour or hour basis. Consult your hopefully always present TV guide for details on the show you would prefer.


Tips

* Place your television set in the living room or the den for family viewing. This way, after you have scrolled through all 218 channels and found that there is nothing good on, you can turn and watch your family.

* Use a machine to record your favorites. This way you will have the power to fast forward through commercials, however, since commercials are very cleverly written these days, you may miss out on a lot of laughs by so doing.


* To make the experience of TV watching more tolerable, try to make it fun. Have periodic game-watching nights for The Superbowls, The Olympics, or Numb3rs (depending on your crowd) and invite your friends. Have them read this article first if they have no previous exposure to the fast growing hobby of TV viewing.

* As an alternative to a sofa or a couch, you may sit on a  personalized recliner.



Warnings

*Repetitive motion injuries may become a  concern, and should be taken into account if you are going to operate that remote control very often. Please take care, if you happen to spend over five minutes clicking through channels, to note whether or not your hand fells overstressed. Good relievers include ice packs, and of course taking a rest, perhaps handing the remote to another person, as long as you can trust said person. Which by the way, you can't.

* Watching too much TV can interfere with your relationships with women.


Article added: 19 October 2007


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