Editor's Note: Submitted by a child with capitalist designs, but who perhaps does not understand the free market.

How to Trap Santa

The Best thing about Christmas is A) Presents B) Candy C) Santa

The Answer is: Santa! But Santa only comes 1 day a year. how about capturing him!


1. The capture. Santa needs go to every kid in the world, so he's FAST. But… He won't be expecting: The Net! The Drugged Milk! The electric Christmas tree lights! The African dart gun! Or you popping out of nowhere and attacking him!

2. His voice. Santa has a loud voice so, unless you want every kid in the neighborhood attacking you, you MUST gag him.

3. No escape! Do NOT let him escape without bringing on pain!!!!!!!!

4. Let him enjoy himself. Santa might be relieved that instead of him bringing gifts to all the kids in the world, he only needs to bring gifts to YOU (and your siblings, if you have any). Let him stay up. Let him listen to music. And let him win at Rock Band.

5. Make money. Santa has elves. They make the toys, not Santa. Get them. You see, when elves realize Santa is trapped, an elf SWAT team comes to break him loose. But… they are easily distracted. Distract them by taking a bell, ornament, etc. and jingling it. When the elves are watching it. Get them.

6. Start a Toy factory. The elves make the toys, Santa delivers, and you handle the profit. Good luck, and Good bye!!!!!


* If you like, you could trap Mrs. Clause. But be warned. She's great at Fighting. If you do, start a bakery branch.


* If Santa escapes, he WILL put you on the naughty list. Forever.

Article added: 03 September 2010

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