Editor's Note: The technique seems to be to pwn 'em in their spawning grounds, and bring the Brawny towels, in case they cry.

How to Totally Pwn Emos

Emo people are a constant problem in today's society, taking up valuable space in shopping malls with their Hot Topics and Spencer Gifts. They congregate in school hallways, muttering hypocritical phrases about conformists. This article will show you how to make the nightmare stop.


1. First, you'll need to find yourself at least one emo… or more. Yes, more. You want to pwn as many as possible.

2. Second, you must gather them in one area. Their spawning grounds happen to be food courts of shopping malls, so pwning even one puts you in danger of contracting The Emo.

3. After you've gathered them in one area, you need to have a CD player with loud speakers or an mp3 player hooked up to large speakers.

4. Play some non-metal, non-alternative music. Rock is a bad choice, since some emos will like it. Your best choice is something mainstream such as Radiohead or 50 Cent. In fact, Radiohead is a better choice because not only are they able to pwn emo people, but they allow you to download their music for free.

5. Watch as the emos fall into a panic and try to escape, then make it louder and watch them start to complain before unleashing the school jocks on them.


* Stay away from emo people.

* If you must come into contact with an emo person, be sure to wear a bio-hazard suit with a lead vest and anti-fail goggles, since it is impossible to unsee fail.

* For more information on emo people, visit Myspace.


* The Emo is highly contagious. Make sure you're fully prepared. The Emo can be transferred via exchange of bodily fluids and through their shitty music. It is believed that strains of The Emo can be found in the most concentration in Hot Topic, hidden as sizing in their bland tasteless clothes.

Article added: 24 October 2008

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