Editor's Note: Short of carrying mustard gas, and staying away from the local mustard festival, it can be hard for the attractive woman to fend off unwanted interest. Did this editor unwittingly meet a some joke of a mustard freak through iFlurtz? It is hard to tell what possesses some comical wikiHow editors to write what they write.

How to Avoid Tortured Looking Men Asking You for Mustard

Have you ever dreamed of being approached by a tortured looking man? If so, has he asked you for mustard? Here's a how-to guide that can prevent this from becoming a living nightmare, and if it has happened, it will never happen again.

Steps

1. Stay away from burger joints that serve mustard!

2. I suggest that you never buy mustard again. If you like it, then that's too bad for you.

3. Stay away from iFlurtz surveys.

4. If you happen to be approached by a strange tortured looking man, offer him a razor blade and then ask if he would rather have ketchup.

5. If he responds with complete, utter confusion, lean over a bit and then  just walk away quietly and pretend nothing ever happened.

6. Learn a foreign language (see next step).

7. If asked for mustard, reply in a foreign language saying that you have no clue what mustard is.

8. If anyone, I mean anyone! asks you if you read this article, say you never heard of it. THIS WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE FROM MUSTARD AND TORTURED LOOKING MEN!!!

Tips

* Remember, he may look tortured, but he may not always be tortured.

* Avoid American Deli Mustard, and Dijon Mustard at all costs!

Warnings

* You may be stalked!

* Never approach a strange man while holding mustard.

* Mustard is the spawn of the devil, though I love it myself.


Article added: 14 April 2008


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Don't be afraid to
scale a fence in the
interest of keeping
your mustard-colored
self safe from
mustard-obsessed
men.


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