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How to Tell if Your Mom Is a RhinoEver wonder why your mom just loves to bathe in mud, not water? Of course, this could be a normal thing, but if it seems a bit odd, follow these steps to find out…
1. Beat her up. Seriously, just bash her head in. If the animal rights commission comes, you can have her taken away and press charges for impersonating a human. However, if the police come, split and don't look back. Trust me, I've done this before.
2. Wave leaves and rotten fruits in front of her mouth. If she eats them, she is a rhino, if not, just tell her it was a science experiment.
3. Go and do a poop on the ground and see if she says anything. If she just takes it in her stride, she is probably a rhino, and a very cool one at that. If she goes mental at you, well…
4. If you find a costume that looks like your mom, she MAY be a rhino. However, your dad could just be dressing up as her and going to lesbian meeting bars.This is a tough situation to deal with, treat with caution.
5. Go up to her and lick her neck. If she tastes like a rhino (of course you will know what a rhino tastes like), then she may be a rhino. However, she may be a giraffe, you never know.
* Telling your dad about this may be a good idea. However, if he too, is a rhino in disguise, or maybe even a hippo, he may try to kill you, or worse, send you to your room.
* Get your siblings to try out these tips too. Of course, they too could have inherited your parents rhino/hippo genes. Be wary.
* Remember that rhinos can be gentle, sweet, loving creatures. But they suffer from a few things that let them down : The instinct to kill, verbal and physical abuse. Try to be understanding about these things, as they are only minor.
* If you have been sexually abused by a rhino, call the rhino helpline on 1-800-rhinos-have-a-libido-too.
* If you suffer from bed-wetting, remember it is normal, especially up to the age of 27, when you should still be living with your parents. So get them to clean it up. Rhinos find this perfectly normal.
Article added: 27 June 2008
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Not all rhinos are
heavy with sagging