Editor's Note: Zombie defense, as we all know is about retail! And rationing. Those are the most important things, retail and rationing. It may not be rational, but just trust us (and the editor of this really reasonable article).

How to Survive Zombie Attacks

In order to survive a zombie attack, there are many steps that you must take. Follow this guide if you want to survive when those grueling monsters come.

 Steps

The first thing you have to know is that realistic zombies won't be fast as they are in "Dawn of the Dead" or "Resident Evil". The virus takes away most motor skills, so they will be limping, lumbering, and overall struggling to move. If the zombie sees you, it will slow lumber its way to you and moan and groan.

 Option one:

1. First thing you should do as soon as the zombie attack is announced on the emergency broadcast networks, is NOT panic. If you're reading this guide, then you most likely suspected that this was going to happen.

2. Next, hurry to your nearest grocery store. Do NOT purchase fresh vegetables, fresh bread, etc. Buy ALL of the canned food you can. If riots are occurring, you will have no choice but to steal. Anything to survive now. Also, get as much water as possible.

3. If you have an attic or a basement, perfect. The attic can be used as a kind of bunker, and that is where you should keep the majority of your canned food. Make sure you have a lot of food and water ready, and ration it, too. You may be there for awhile.

4. If you have a gun, keep it on you AT ALL TIMES!! If you live by a hunting store or another gun-selling retailer, BE SURE YOU GET ONE no matter what the means may be.

5. If you have a generator and some extra gasoline, ration the amount of power you use. You won't be watching TV and probably shouldn't waste time by playing video games. Conserve your power for emergencies.

6. After you use up all of your food and/or water, it may be time to leave your bunker. You survived this long because the zombies aren't smart enough to open the doors and are also not smart enough to try and break them. They may not even flood your house. When you do run out, however, leave the house and go to the nearest store, using your guns (or any other method) to kill any zombie that gets in your way. Make sure you wear light clothes, but with enough padding to stop bites, as those are the only way you can get infected. The zombies should be easy enough to kill.

7. Also, try not to mingle with other survivors for too long. Find food, water, and shelter. If you can, grow your own food.

 Option 2:

1. Find your nearest store. I would recommend one such as Wal-Mart, as it has plenty of food and most Wal-Marts have guns and other weapons, such as knives. NOTE: DO NOT GO TO A MALL! SHOPPING MALLS ARE HUGE DANGERS!

2. When you get to your store (I will continue to use Wal-Mart at an example), expect MANY people to be there.

3. Start to block off areas immediately. The last thing anyone wants are zombies in the building. If any zombies do get in, quickly kill them by shooting or slicing them into their brains.

4. After all exits are blocked off, make sure you (or the person who assumes the role as leader or temporary leader) check EVERYONE for bites. Make sure every person who is accounted for there is completely checked off for bites. If anyone is bitten, dispose of them. No matter who they are; friend, family, etc. They would only be a danger for everyone.

5. After everyone is checked, find out who the leaders are. Doctors, police officers, firemen, etc. would probably be the best fit to lead. They will probably arrange for all food to be put in one area. They will also set up a schedule for eating, toiletries, etc. All the guns will be put in a special section that is protected by the men who can use the guns. They will also most likely assign people guns, ranging from real guns (if they can use them) and BB guns, to defend themselves.

6. After all of the resources (food, water, ammo, etc.) are wasted, send out a search party who will search for things. Depending on how long it has been (it may take days to weeks to months before supplies are finished), things will be different. Most stores will be most likely cleared out. If you can scavenge anything, it will help.

7. When everything is finished, you will need to move on to a different region.

 Tips

* Cut your hair bald or really short. Zombies can easily grab on hair.

* Don't wear lose or baggy clothing. Zombies can easily grab loose articles of clothing.

* If your best friend or mom or dad or anyone close to you gets bitten, kill them or leave them. It's harsh, of course, but you have no choice.

* If you're bitten, you will have no choice but to commit suicide or allow someone else to kill you.

* Ration all food and supplies.

* If you don't know how to use a gun, learn with a BB gun. Don't waste your real guns' ammo.

 Warnings

* AVOID: Large shopping malls, airports, train stations, large cities, AND HOSPITALS. Sick people and zombies will be very abundant in hospitals.

* Do not stick around people who will anchor you down.

* DO NOT BREAK DOWN. You are strong. You can survive.

 Things You'll Need

* Guns

* Ammo

* NON PERISHABLE food

* Water

* A bunker

* This guide


Article added: 21 August 2009


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Under the pall of
the news of a
zombie outbreak.


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