Editor's Note: Move along, there's nothing to see here.

How to Successfully Consider Nothing

Yay, a visitor! Perhaps you are bored, or looking for some Russian religion that revolves around nothing. Maybe you even typed in the wrong keywords. But someone has shown up nonetheless, and I can help you to consider the punny humor nothing has to offer.

 Steps

The Method for People Obsessed with Nothing:

1. If you really want to understand nothing, know nothing, or maybe even be nothing, the closest you can get to it is by dying. If that's the way you want to get to know nothing, I can't prevent you from dying. Just die and nothing will come easier to you than with people who are alive. (Not recommended.)

2. Search for beliefs of that strange Russian religion I can't remember the name of, and you'll see through everything to nothing. (Not recommended.)

The Method for Normal People:

1. Consider the flawed logic. If a cheese sandwich is better than nothing, and nothing is greater than God, then a cheese sandwich must be greater than God. Of course this is wrong, but see what nothing has done?

2. Picture the idea. My username is Nothing Flat, so imagine a blue blob named Nothing being run over by a rolling pin.

3. Try eating it for a while. You'll understand something in your stomach is better than nothing in your stomach. Just don't do it for too long or you might die.

4. Do it, man. Relax your muscles, lay on the floor, clear your mind, and just do nothing.

5. Ask the experts. I got caught up in this craze when I visited www.nothing.net out of boredom. My search for nothing is over thanks to this website.

6. Bring it up. That is, bring it up if you want people to think you are weird.

 Tips

* Try eating a recipe I call "Nothing Like It," originally thought of by www.nothing.net. Add whipped cream to nothing. It tastes good as a snack, but keeps you hungry for more (or in the case of nothing, less).

* Just think blank. Think unobtrusive. Think invisible. Think intangible. Think "nada" (nothing in Spanish).

* If you are fasting between sunrise and sunset, nothing counts as a food you are allowed to eat during the day. Eat as much nothing as you can when you are fasting.

 Warnings

* Don't die. You will drown in nothing. It's fun to think about (like the ocean), but is also dangerous when you are in deep (like the ocean).

* Don't eat nothing for too long or you will die.

* Don't follow that creepy religion. It's evil, and won't get you into heaven.

* Don't call me crazy about nothing. I am not. I have tons of hobbies, including typing articles on this wonderful website that has helped so many people worldwide.

 Things You'll Need

* This is for the recipe.

* Whipped cream.

* A plate.

* Nothing.


Article added: 27 September 2010

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Nothing in there!

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