Editor's Note: This one appears to come to us from somewhere outside of the US, where they use the word "plasters" to mean something like Bandaids. Besides, in the US, the preferred method would be to put the thing on a trash barge and send it to New Jersey.

How to Smash up a Keyboard Using Your Own Face

With an ever growing industry in computers and electronics, keyboards can get out dated very quickly. This means, that to stay ahead of the game, you will need to regularly purchase a new keyboard. Of course, with every new one you buy, you will have an ever growing mountain of useless keyboards. To reduce space, breaking these keyboards down is a great way of reducing space in your home, bedroom or basement. And when there is no hammer, or other "smashing-tool" at your disposal, why not use your face?!

 Steps

1. The first thing you need to do, is to locate both the keyboard in mind, and the face you will use to smash it (remember, you don't always have to use your own, but getting permission is only polite!)

2. Now, carefully position the keyboard on a table, or other hard surface that won't be damaged easily.

3. An optional step here is to protect yourself by covering the computer keyboard with a piece of cloth, or by placing something cushioning on your face to stop most of the pain. However, most people attempting this skip this step, because not only will it take more time to fully destroy the keyboard due to the extra dampening, but the person using their face will generally have a hard enough skull to ignore most of the pain.

4. Now, position your face roughly square to the keyboard, and propel your head, rotating at the hips, with enough velocity to cause considerable damage to either the keyboard or your face. One option here is to use extra weight attached to your head, so that gravity will aid with your need.

5. After your chosen face has made contact with the keyboard, you will need to reset its position. This can be done by simply standing straight.

6. Wipe off any residue keyboard attached to the face, and wipe off any residue face attached to the keyboard and repeat the above steps until the desired amount of "smash" is achieved.

7. Stand back and admire your handiwork.

 Tips

* Remember, you can close your eyes once you are on descent to the keyboard.

* Glasses can be used to protect your eyes, but these can smash as well, and cause yet more retinal damage.

* Clear up the mess once you have finished your project as your mum/dad or girlfriend (your boyfriend will be impressed) might not like the state of the place.

* Multiple keyboards can be smashed at any one time, by nesting one on the top of another.

 Warnings

A note of caution, if you get any of the following the following side effects, please consult your GP.

* Sickness or a headache

* Retinal damage

* Pains in your face (may only be temporary)

* Cuts

* Bruises

* Cervical Cancer

* AIDS

* Decapitation

* Rectal Dysfunction

* Loss of any limbs

* Death

* Any kind of retardation

Remember to regularly visit your GP for check ups even if you aren't suffering from any health issues.

 Things You'll Need

* Keyboard

* Face

* Plasters (optional)


Article added: 04 September 2009


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