Editor's Note: Is there IRL therapy for those who abuse their virtual children? If not, this article might be just what some readers need.

How to Refrain from Abusing a Club Penguin Toddler

Have you ever had those moments when you see those toddlers in the Pet Shop and you just can't control yourself? You feel like wringing their stupid little necks? Everyone knows those little devious Elmo-loving freaks are really obnoxious and it's hard to resist teaching them a lesson! But this behavior can turn many people against you, and you may get banned. But don't worry, this guide will help you refrain from beating up the little rugrats.


1. Lying: If a toddler is lying to get attention, for example they're saying phrases like, "Gets thrown out of speeding car," (everyone knows there's no cars on Club Penguin,) then you feel like choking them to death, don't you? Well, just think about it this way: if the toddlers don't use stupid lies to get attention, they won't get adopted and will feel very sad because people won't feel sorry for them, so they most likely won't get adopted. If you were a toddler, you would feel very sad without a family.

2. Bratty Behavior: Sometimes toddlers aren't the wittle angels they claim to be. They may be mean to their siblings, cause destruction to your igloo, steal, scream and cry all the time, throw fits, and hit you. This may really make you mad, but before you throw them in the oven and burn them, just remember this will make them more angry and bratty and they will probably just run away, you can't usually hurt toddlers as they have special powers.

3. Elmo/teddy-obsessed Behavior: It can get pretty tiring when your toddler keeps asking for millions of elmos or they go on and on for hours about how much they love their special teddy. Before you whack them or scream at them to stop, remember back to when you were a baby and you always were attached to that special teddy or blanky. You wouldn't want it torn away, so think of how the toddler would feel.

4. Screaming and Crying: When your toddler screams and cries all day long, it will probably drive you crazy. But, think back to when you were a baby, you probably cried a lot too, especially when you were a newborn. Even though it's only a computer game, think of the concept, they are only babies, and babies cry, it's just what they do to get attention.

5. Disgusting Behavior: Sometimes toddlers will decide to be sickos and they may pee on you, crap on you, fart on you, or puke all over you. This is the hardest behavior to deal with. Although you feel like knocking them senseless, don't. Report them, this will be more effective and they will probably be banned for inappropriate talk. You might get banned yourself for being violent or mean, so consider the consequences before you get out of control and start hitting your toddler.


* Always put yourself in your toddler's shoes. You may have been a toddler on Club Penguin, if not think back to the time you were a baby in real life.

* Remember that you may get banned for violent or mean behavior.


* Don't let your toddler get away with everything, if they are really bratty remember to give them time-outs and teach them right from wrong.

* Being nice to your toddler doesn't mean spoiling them. This will turn them into brats when they get older, just like real life, and when they don't get what they want, they will throw a fit.

* Report mean toddlers, this will get them banned instead of you.

 Things You'll Need

* A Club Penguin account

* Internet access

* A computer or laptop

* Strength

* Willpower

Article added: 30 January 2009

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