Editor's Note:  Putting on a sock would not appear to be a tricky maneuver which would need instruction, but that does not stop people from taking the time to write articles about how to do it. They appear all the time. Here is one of many deleted versions.

 How to Put on a Sock

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
-----------Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977), In the film A Day at the Races

If you love socks, but do not
know how to put them on,
this article is for you!

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1. Be aware that in certain cultures, the unclad foot is considered rude.
 2. Avoid a scene such as this by applying socks to your feet.
 3. Choose your socks carefully before attempting to put them on. Some socks just do not go well with some shoes.  
  4. Know when a sock is not necessary.  
 5. Choose your own personal color of sock. This will help you to know how to find your legs in case of a pile up.  
 6. Develop better sock-putting-on-skill and you will not have to hide behind a log. 
 7. Find the right size. Little socks fit best on small people.  
 8. Look at the sock to determine whether the inside of the sock is now outside. This means that the sock is inside-out. The outside of your sock,  will  conversely, be on the inside. Anyone not grasping this will be on the outs with the in-crowd,  so do get into the habit of outing the inside-out sock and putting things right and proper,  inside as well as outside of your outside-out sock drawer, making sure each and every sock is kept inside-in, when stashed  inside the drawer of your dresser, which you should keep inside your bedroom and  not outside.
 9. Choose a candy cane pattern to lighten up that rough and tough image portrayed by steel-toed work boots.  
 10. Limit the number of pairs of socks you buy. You need not have one pair of socks  for each pair of red boots you may have in your closet.  

 11. Put the sock on your foot, by putting both thumbs inside the top of the sock. Use your fingers to bundle it up on your thumbs until until it is down to the bottom of the toe of the sock. Be very careful. You do not want to put the sock on the wrong body part. You never know what could happen.  

 12. Check the size of the sock itself. Use your hand to make a rough estimate of the size of the foot if no size tag is available. Notice if the sock is knee length or ankle length. It is easier to revert the shorter sock by just putting your hand inside the sock itself, grabbing the toe, and pulling it to the outside. A knee length sock however, is more difficult.This requires your putting your arm inside the sock, grabbing the end with your fingers, and pulling it all the way out. Your sock should be the right way now.  If this is not the case, please reread Step Number Eight.   Put the end of the sock over your toes and pull the sock up your leg.  

 13. Harken back to Anita Bryant's famous quote from the commercial of the sixties... A world without socks is like a day without orange juice.  

* Wear a pair of strappy shoes to dress up your socks if you are going to a party.

* The procedures outlined above can work with short socks and anklets. With long socks however, you will have to go all the way down to the toes. Its a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.

  * When wearing anklets, you do not have to roll the sock all the way down as you would have to with long socks. This can save a huge amount of effort.  So if you are exhausted from, say a day of yard work, or from running the Boston Marathon, do yourself a  favor and  choose anklets.



* Socks are important at work. Do not be caught sitting around the conference table at your next business meeting without them. Sit down while you are putting on your socks, as if you stand up while doing this you may fall over. No matter how smart you are, this might end your career quickly, particularly if you forget to put on your socks until after the business meeting begins.
Article added: 19 October 2007

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