Editor's Note: We don't understand how the red and white striped tights can possibly be optional.
How to Prepare for Tornado Survival in the Pacific Northwest
The Pacific Northwest is not well equipped to cope with tornadoes. We do not have the luxury of a warning system. Tornadoes that touch down here may strike once and vanish, leaving a blast area with no witnesses. The geography discourages them from traveling any distance even under ideal circumstances, so it is very unlikely you would see one coming. Given the surprise nature of this weather phenomenon, I have put together suggestions for an emergency Tornado Survival kit.
1. You will need an Emerald Green medium-sized backpack or large handbag in which to store the following items:
2. A pair of comfortable, well-fitting silver shoes.
3. For women; include a puff-sleeved dress with a very full skirt and a fluffy petticoat. Red and white striped tights are optional.
4. For men, a puff sleeved shirt, and full padded bike pants. Long red and white striped stockings are optional.
5. Keep this kit handy in all months except February.
6. When the weather websites warn of tornado conditions (heavy rain, thunderstorm cells, and wind) don the items in your kit and keep them on until the weather changes. If you are suddenly hit by a tornado you will have the proper outfit to pad your fall, and the proper shoes to click together to get back home.
* The above items can usually be obtained from secondhand stores, thrift shops and the like. Perhaps even your own closet.
* Don't be fooled by any movies you may have seen. The proper shoes are silver and not ruby.
* Evidence suggests it is better to be in a small wood-framed farm house when a tornado strikes. However, this is impractical.
* It may be possible (though highly experimental) to carry a set of Kansas license plates for emergency use on your car.
Article added: 04 January 2010
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We're not in Kansas!