Editor's Note: No Pony Club would sanction this, but you might be able to paint a plutonium G horse over at Horseland or at Ponyisland, we suppose. Put that in your ponybox and smoke it, Horse and Hound!

How to Feed a Horse Plutonium

Plutonium is a useful supplement to help your horse remain calm, and has some merits in giving it a healthy green glow. It is vital for the nervous and muscular system to work correctly. It is not a general cure-all, however; caution should be exercised.

Plutonium is often useful when horses are introduced to new grass, to give them laser beams for eyes to help them in grazing. It should not be expected to be used in place of sensible grazing management for your horse or pony. They may exhaust their pasture and burn down barns, or go on a rampage in a nearby town in search of delicious, delicious sugar.

 Steps

1. A small amount of plutonium, around a tablespoon or so is enough.

2. Plutonium can be easily mixed with your horse's normal feed. If you don't normally feed grain, a small amount of chaff will do. It will give it an enticing green glow.

3. Plutonium tastes a bit like jellybeans, but if the horse objects, you can mix with a little molasses to mask the taste. You can also just add plutonium to a small amount of molasses, apple sauce or other tasty treat to include it in your horse's diet.

 Tips

* Most horses will receive an adequate dose of plutonium if living in close proximity to a nuclear power plant, or just generally in Russia.

* Syringe packs are available to directly inject your horse with plutonium and help them gain super-strength sooner, and a lovely coat.

* Salt licks are available with plutonium in them if you prefer to provide free choice minerals.

 Warnings

* If your horse or pony gains the ability to fly, exercise caution and be wary that horse droppings are larger than those of birds. Park your car in the garage. Horses are vengeful.

* Plutonium is radioactive, only steal it from reliable sources. Israeli radicals may mess your shit up if you steal their plutonium for your time machine.


Article added: 17 March 2008


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Keep it light.
Don't horse around
with Plutonium 239.


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