Editor's Note: How silly is this? A  funny wikiHow guide about how to pick stuff up.

How to Pick up Objects

Picking up an object takes a tremendous amount of charm and self-confidence. Many men spend thousands of dollars attending seminars where they learn the secrets just so they will have a chance of  picking up a little something next time they go to a bar. But you can save yourself a ton of cash and  get all the dope right here in this easy how-to guide.

 Steps

1. Find a potential object.

2. Decide if it is the right object for you. Do you share interests? Do you find each other mutually attractive? Are you pursuing similar goals - will this be a one time fling or a lasting relationship?

3. Approach your Object. Be friendly. Make sure it's the right time! If the Object is grumpy, it may not want to be picked up and could become hostile.

4. Initiate contact with the Object. Before physical contact, you might want to chat up the object. Try using some Pick Up lines, like: "Are your pants felt?" When the Object says No, "Would you like them to be?" "Did it hurt? (what?) "When you fell down from Heaven?" "What's your sign?" (works best with Stop, Yield and Pedestrian Crossing signs. Other objects may be offended by your comment.)

5. Reach out your dominant hand, or if the object is larger, both hands.

6. Grasp the object. Vary pressure according to the frailty of the object and the distribution of its weight.

7. Pick it up.

 Tips

* Treat your object with respect and love. As Pocahontas tells us, "Every rock and tree and creature has a life, has a spirit, has a name." Naming your object may increase that special bond and nurture your mutual affection.

 Warnings

* Some objects are not for the picking. Examples: Objects that belong to others, porcupines, sea urchins, boiling water, grenades with the pins removed, four door sedans.

 Things You'll Need

* Object

* Something with which to pick up object - typically hands.


Article added: 16 May '08
 

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Be careful.
Some sharp objects
are labeled, but most
are not.


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