Editor's Note: It's always sad when a pet dies. But a rock?

How to Mourn the Loss of Your Pet Rock

Is your pet rock dead? Do you feel lost about what to do?


1. First, you must know when your pet rock is dead. Methods of finding out differ on the pet rock, the person, and their relationship. A common method is to put your index finger on the rock, and feel for the pulse. This method is not entirely accurate, and may cause your pet rock to be buried prematurely. If you have a close relationship with your pet rock, you will probably be able to know right away when it dies, because it will stop loving you.

2. It is natural to be in denial for a while. If this is the case, then stick your (dead) pet rock in the freezer, and wait till you are capable of coping with its death. If you are able to deal with its demise right away, skip this step.

3. Write a eulogy for your pet rock. This can be a letter, a poem, a short story, or whatever you wish. You can express your feeling towards your pet rock, or characteristics of the pet rock that you will cherish.

4. Find an appropriate place to bury your pet rock. Wherever it is, make sure to dig very deep into the soil. This is crucial. If the body of your rock comes out of the soil before it has resurrected, it will become very distraught in this world, and possibly haunt you. Given a few years, most rocks will resurface, looking a little different and having a different personality. Hopefully, some other loving owner will pick up this rock in due time.

5. Give it a funeral. It need not be a big occasion, and perhaps only you will attend.

6. If you are absolutely desperate to bring your pet rock back to life, you can water the place it was buried with a secret liquid mixture. To make this, one basically mixes together whatever one feels is magical, and waits for the rock to resurface. This does not often work out, and leaves people very brokenhearted, so it is suggested that you learn to move on.

7. Wear black, if you wish.

8. Spend some time every now and then to remember your rock, if you can manage this without letting nostalgia overtake you.

9. Move on in life, and learn how to make a rock live in your heart without weighing it down.


*There are shirts that you can purchase online that say "My pet rock died," if you wish to announce it to the world.

*Try to learn to cope with the death as soon as you can.


* IMPORTANT: Do not tell your friends or family. They will, inevitably, laugh at you for having a pet rock. They will also express severe doubts upon whether or not a pet rock can actually die. If you are very, very, very lucky, there will be someone in your life who will be be sensitive. Do not expect them to understand what it means to lose a pet rock, but appreciate that they are able to care for you, even when you are grieving for something that they cannot comprehend.

Article added: 12 June 2009

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