Editor's Note: Well here's a thing, top tips for the deliberately unhealthy! I guess it's a worry when you note that you do some of these unintentionally...

How to Make Your Health Worse

Are you too healthy? Are you tired of feeling energized and ready for anything? Do you sometimes wish that you could feel more sullen, depressed, and exhausted? Well, read on to find out how!

 Steps

1. Start eating lots of processed, pre-cooked, or "junk" foods. Good choices include frozen boxed dinners, chips, candy, and soda. Avoid foods like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.

2. Refrain from cooking your own meals. Eat fast food, like McDonald's, whenever possible.

3. Do your grocery shopping (the little that will be necessary) at a gas station. Eat large portions at meals, and do not stopping eating until you feel very full.

4. Drink fluids only when you feel you may pass out if you do not, that is, if you feel extreme thirst. And, if you must drink something, make sure it is a beverage containing empty calories, such as soda, coffee drinks, milkshakes, or beer.

5. Try to stay awake as long as possible. Remember, sleep is for the weak! Fill your nights with endless hours of video games, television, or similar mindless activities.

6. If you exercise, stop. Try to be as sedentary as possible. Take the elevator instead of the stairs, and drive instead of walk or bike.

7. Abuse substances, including (but not limited to) alcohol, tobacco, and illicit or prescription drugs. Use these chemicals often, in order to fool your body into a contented state. Be sure to experiment freely with new drugs to the get the best "high."

8. If you choose to partake in sexual activities, do not use protection, including condoms, birth control, or other methods. Sleep with as many partners as you wish, but don't disclose your previous activities to them. Try not to stay in monogamous relationships.

9. Bathe as infrequently as possible. Forgo deodorant and toothpaste. If you choose to wear makeup, do not wash it off — simply put more on, on top of the old.

10. Isolate yourself from friends and family. If you belong to a religious institution, distance yourself from that, as well. Try not to talk to anyone who might show even a hint of interest or concern for you, because they will only impede your progress. Show no one affection, and if someone shows you affection, reject it.

11. Avoid activities or situations which would increase your confidence, self-esteem, or respect. These may include hobbies, sports, or group activities.

12. Start worrying excessively. Realize that everything, down to the smallest detail, is vitally important and requires nothing less than absolute perfection. Take on more projects than you can handle. Make sure to be as disorganized as possible, so that you feel overwhelmed and lost in your work.

 Tips

* If you begin to feel sluggish, unhappy, or discontent, congratulations! You're well on your way to worsening your health by following the steps above.

* It's easy to worsen your physical health by neglecting your body's needs, but don't forget about ways to worsen your emotional and spiritual health, as well.

* Remember, healthy interpersonal relationships will be a hindrance to your progress.

 Warnings

* Please be advised that following the steps outlined above will more than likely negatively affect your life.


Article added: 15 September 2008


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A new use for those
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