Editor's Note: This is absolutely not written by someone with a massive crush on someone he is never going to meet. What even made you think that, lol?
How to Make Taylor Swift Fall in Love With YouTaylor Alison Swift is an American country-pop singer-songwriter. Born December 13, 1989 she is one of the younger artists who have become successful in the music industry, composing songs mainly about how nobody loves her. This makes her a prime target for potential incursions of the heart by those who truly do love her.
1. Determine her current location. Recent data indicates that Swift will take her North American Fearless Tour 2009 to 52 cities in 38 states and provinces in the US and Canada over the span of six months.
2. Establish contact. As Swift has many admirers and first impressions count, you will need to differentiate yourself from the masses of potential suitors. A large hat or skintight orange jumpsuit should serve to this effect.
3. Woo her. For this there is only one incontrovertible approach. Flowers. Many flowers. Many large flowers. Try the Amazon rain forest to get an idea of their appropriate size.
Note: Whatever you do, while wooing her do not, under any circumstances, take the advice of any other articles written on this website, especially the article "How to Sweep a Girl off Her Feet". Taylor Swift is a Higher Being and stereotypical approaches are not effective or applicable in this context.
4. Wait for a response. If no response is forthcoming repeat from step 2 with a larger hat.
5. After receiving a response, whether positive or negative, leave the country. If Taylor Swift truly loves you, she shall follow. Although it is usually women who employ this tactic, Taylor Swift is, after all, a Higher Being and hence more masculine than you. And yet, she is more feminine than all females on the earth (and a few of the men) combined.
6. Write a song about your love for each other. This will be the easiest step of all because at this point the heart of the greatest singer-songwriter in the world will be bursting with emotion and affection for you.
* Swift's creative nature implies that she is more likely to be attracted to poetic and/or musical suitors. One can combine written poetry with the flowers mentioned above to effectively win her heart.
* Alternatively, step 5 may be replaced with a confession of your secret homosexuality. If your love is reciprocated this action will result in Swift writing a song about you. This is the confirmation you need to then deny your confession and reveal your secret plan, thereby winning her heart once more.
* This process may be harmful to your reputation. If failure results then Swift will compose a song about your failed exploits.
* Additionally, you may find that after such efforts, you may be so in love with Swift that any amount of rejection will not deter you from your pursuits. If you find yourself in such a situation it is important to seek help. Submitting yourself to an appropriate institution will protect Swift from crazed fans such as yourself. Her safety is of paramount importance.
Article added: 25 May 2009
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Try to think of
something else to
impress her with.