Editor's Note: This writing was deleted from the world's largest how-to manual---on the grounds of being a joke article!  (People seem to think they are welcome to submit just about anything to a wiki.) We bring it to you as it originally appeared. Have fun.

How to Prevent Loss of Limbs

This wiki, will instruct you (the human) how to prevent yourself from losing any of your limbs in everyday life. This in turn will give you a greater quality of life and prevent events of sadness, depression and not being able to spray deodorant or pick up a goddamn cup without your hands.

 Steps

1. There is really only one way to prevent loss of limbs, the main thing being, don't be an idiot, don't take risks, don't do drugs, and don't drink alcohol. As this will result in pointless stupid acts that can lead you to taking an act that can risk your limbs!

2. Unfortunately as no one is perfect, this leads me to believe you probably do if not all, then some of the above, so use the tips below, and use them wisely to prevent loss of limbs.

 Tips

* Don't walk in front of cars.

* Don't take the saying go play tag with the buses literally.

* Don't walk into construction sites with a blindfold on.

* Don't take saws to your legs or arms, this will certainly lead to loss of limbs.

* Do not develop the disease gangrene.

* Don't try to stick your head in things that appear bigger than they are.

* Do not try to steal mail from a mailbox.

* Don't use power tools if you have Parkinson's.

* Don't think you can throw chairs that are attached to the floor.

* Drink lots of milk, as this will make your bones strong, and will provide effective resistance against attempted limb attacks.

* Stand well clear of closing lift doors.

* Escalators are fun, but don't stand on this device for too long as you may be sucked into it.

* Don't swim in shark infested areas.

* Don't bleed in front of sharks.

* Don't swim close behind boats.

* Don't play surgeon with yourself.

 Warnings

* Following this guide might make you stay in your house for countless hours, and you may become a recluse.

 Things You'll Need

* Common sense.


Article added: 14 December 2007


wikiHowl collects funny how-to articles deleted from wikiHow.com, and brings them to you when you are looking for a laugh. wikiHow's content is shared under a Creative Commons license; with author credits for these silly or bizarre how-to's available via wikiHow's Deletion Log.
 

Bookmark and Share