Editor's Note: You've gotta love an article that warns never to have to use it.

How to Kiss Your Ass Goodbye

You are facing a fatal situation that no matter what you do the outcome remains the same.


1. Make sure there are no alternatives to your impending doom.

2. Assume a sitting position if available; if not, stand with your legs spread approximately shoulder width.

3. Bend forward at the waist and aim your nose toward your genitals. If in a sitting position you may need to scoot your ass forward a bit so there is some ass exposed.

4. Calmly press your lips against your ass and wait for your impending doom.

5. Alternately you quickly kiss your ass and return to your previous position in order to meet your doom head on.


* If you have a suspicion that you will be meeting this doom I strongly recommend washing your ass before putting it in contact with your mouth.

* If possible start a video camera for some sort of Youtube or Tosh.0. Tosh.0 would certainly benefit from whatever act got you into kissing your ass goodbye in the first place.

* Dignity is certainly gone, so make sure that this is a final curtain call. Nobody would ever want to hook up with you after going out like a chump with your lips on your ass.


* Try to avoid getting into situations where this "how to" guide would come into play.

Article added: 27 May 2011

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