Editor's Note: Just when you thought you were safe from harm, a new threat emerges. Eight footed creatures are surely lurking just around the corner. But if you can make a mean meringue, you may have them beat. Good luck.
How to Defend Against a Horde of Hungry Octopuses
Well, we all have those moments where we just can't seem to defend against an upcoming horde of giant octopuses. This article will help prepare you to fend off the horde with deadly precision and efficiency… And you'll still have time to bake that meat pie.
1. Make sure you're wearing your sunglasses at all times.
2. Arm yourself with a red cape to improve your style.
3. Next you need to buy a sword, usually I would recommend a sharp one. I find katanas do the job well.
4. Next you need to meditate for a few hours. Make sure that you go to the toilet before you begin so that you aren't disturbed half way through.
5. Using a magnifying glass, deduce whether the horde is actually that of the hungry octopus and also take the opportunity to assess how many of them there are. Check whether any of the octopuses have forks just so you can be prepared.
6. Next whip up a batch of meringue and top it off with some mixed fresh fruit.
7. When the octopuses knock on the door answer it and invite them in.
8. If any of the octopuses don't have kitchen utensils make sure you give them some.
9. Finally feed the octopuses the meringue . They will love it and will leave feeling full and content. Then stab them in the back.
* Make sure you practise your meringue making skills.
* Do not consume the meringue yourself as you may fall victim to your own trap.
Article added: 29 August 2008
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