Editor's Note: Useful in case you missed some of your sex ed lessons in school.

How to Have Sex in Night Club Toilets

Sex in night club toilets is a lot of fun. Anyone can do it and it’s a nice way to get to know new and interesting people.


Lavina’s guide to having sex in night club toilets.

1. Sex in night club toilets is a lot like doing other ‘things’ in nightclub toilets, but differs in many practical ways. Most notably, when you do those ‘things’ your panties are on.

2. Generally speaking, hanging around the ladies toilets in a night club is like hanging around in the kitchen at parties.


1. Never have sex in the men’s room. I’ve been in there and it’s not very nice. The floors are usually not as clean either, sometimes they are wet, it’s an issue. I recommend the ladies.

2. The best option is always the disabled toilets as they offer more privacy and a larger floor area. I imagine that some disabled people take advantage of this and have great sex lives. I would.

The kind of sex:

1. Oral sex is simplest. Anything that requires a condom adds to the complexity. I recommend you start with oral sex. You need to practice. Once you’re comfortable with oral sex, you can move on to more complex things.

2. You can also slowly work up to it. Next time you do ‘things’ with ‘stuff’ in a toilet with a friend, linger a little, maybe fool around a bit. Get used to being in there with company.

The skills you’ll need:

Having sex in night club toilets requires 4 key skills:
  • Speed
  • Focus
  • Timing
  • Discipline


1. Speed is important, not that you want to rush things, but it’s never a good thing to be caught by security with parts of someone’s body in your mouth.

2. From my experience, once someone starts pounding impatiently on the door telling you to "Hurry the f* up!", you have about 2 minutes before security arrives.


1. The drawback with women’s toilets is that there are too many women and too few cubicles and everyone is in a hurry. It usually means that if you’ve been in a cubicle for more than two minutes some girl with a full bladder will be pounding impatiently on the door telling you to "Hurry the f* up!"

2. You have to learn to ignore this. And it can be hard. Women with full bladders can be very insistent and not very patient. It can be very distracting, but you need to focus on sex while still being tuned into what’s happening on the other side of the door.

3. It’s quite a balancing act.

4. If you get lost in the sex, you’re going to get caught. If you focus only on the woman with the full bladder on the other side of the door, the sex won’t be as good. There is a balance here and you have to focus to find it.

5. Focus. It’s probably the most important thing.


1. There are windows of opportunity. Really early in the evening is good, because the toilets are quieter and the security people patrol less frequently and are generally less suspicious.

2. Really late is also good, things can get really crazy after 3.30am. It’s when the weird stuff starts to go down. Drunk people screaming at the door bitch, drunk girls passing out, guys fighting with each other, that kind of thing, so security usually has other things to do.


1. Sex in nightclub toilets is a lot of fun and it’s low risk, there’s a lot going for it. But doing it the first time can seem a little intimidating. So you need discipline, you have to put whatever doubts you have out of your head.

2. You may want to practice at home. If you’ve got a wardrobe, use that. Next time you have someone over, try fooling around in the wardrobe instead of the bed.


1. When you’re receiving a ‘gratification’, there’s a strong urge to groan. Don’t. Silent sex is important. A lot of groaning will just draw more attention to the situation. Again, this is a discipline thing. I’m still working on this myself.

Article added: 16 August 2010

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