Editor's Note: Expectant moms who are overdue really ought to have specified a better date on the form.

How to Have a Baby

Don't you want one of your own? Everybody wants babies, but how to get them? This will tell you how!


Cookies, storks like cookies.


1. Know the email of the Head Stork. His e-mail is babyapplication@stork.com.

2. Fill out the application. Tell him your full name, age, and location, right down to the address (so he can get his delivery-stork to your house).

3. Include a photo of you and your spouse. Tell him whose eyes, ears, skin, etc. your baby should have.

4. Don't forget to tell him the gender of the baby you request! If you don't mention a detail, he'll select it at random.

5. Wait for a reply. The head stork should get back to you in a few hours to a few days.
With his reply, he'll ask you when you want your baby. He'll also ask a few minor details, like what color blanket and what stuffed animal to send along.

6. Wait for the delivery-stork. Once he comes, he will write out a birth certificate for your little one. He will weigh him/her before asking what name you want for your child. Make sure he spells it right!

7. Enjoy your little one!


* Be as specific as possible with the application. You wouldn't want your little bundle of joy to have your spouse's big ugly nose, would you?

* Pick a name that will stick with him/her. Gertrude or Bartholomew are great choices!


* Don't change your mind once you have the baby. The stork doesn't accept refunds!

* NEVER try to pry the baby from the storks beak. That does NOT end well.

* ALWAYS give the delivery-stork a tip. Things end badly if you don't.

 Things You'll Need

* E-mail

* Love

* Money

* Free spirit

Article added: 18 February 2011

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Be sure to get a
polite one.

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