Editor's Note: Here is a nice offering about the social graces of going out alone.
But remember, you will be in public, so don't get too carried away with yourself,
even if you wear that really tight blouse.

How to Go on a Date With Yourself

This is not possible. But hey, if you really want to try to go out on a date to the movies with yourself, then go for it! Here are some steps to help you date you!


1. First, make sure you like you. The easiest way to do this is by going through your daily routine and look for things that you like about yourself, maybe it's how pretty you think you are, or funny. It really doesn't matter because you're still a self-obsessed asshole.

2. Once you are sure you like you, ask you on a date. This may be hard due to the fact that to have a conversation you must have two people. Not to worry though! To say yes to yourself after you ask yourself get a piece of paper and write down "yes"! Remember to think with yourself about where you want to take yourself out. Also remember to get to know yourself's parents well, you want them liking you!

3. Okay, now that you have asked yourself and you have said yes to yourself, plan to meet yourself somewhere outside ahead of time. Let's say you want to go to the movies; then meet yourself outside the theater.

4. All right, you've met up with yourself, so lets get this show on the road. So now walk up to the movie theatre and purchase a ticket. Remember to buy a ticket for you and yourself, to be nice. This will make yourself really like you and think you are sweet! REMEMBER NEVER SNEAK INTO THE MOVIE. This could get you and yourself into a lot of trouble, and if caught it can lead to a life time of drug abuse.

5. Now that you have bought a ticket for you and yourself, go the a food counter. Buy your date some food. I recommend asking you before buying the food so you know what you like.

6. After buying the food, go into the movie, this is when it gets hard. Many of us know the nervousness of a movie date. But just calm down and remember one thing, you love you.

7. After calming down, take a deep breath in and put your arm around your shoulder. This may be hard, but if you are dedicated you can do anything.

8. Know this step is optional: halfway through the movie you may want to fool around with yourself, this may be feeling up yourself, or kissing yourself. STAY AWAY, you don't want to seem to fast. Hold your horses, I know you think you're sexy and all that stuff but calm down.

9. Once the movie ends, walk you out to the car and say good bye. (Don't forget to give yourself a good bye kiss.)

10. Congrats, now you can go on a date with yourself, just remember, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.


* Remember to get yourself's phone number.

* Don't forget your name.

* Always hold the door for yourself.

* If people stare, they're just jealous.

* No sex on the first date, that can wait.


* If you try this you are probably a loser.

Article added: 21 November 2008

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