Editor's Note: At last the secret is out, those moves DO exist, and you CAN get hold of them! 

How to Get Secret Ninja Moves from the Government

Here's how to finally get those illegal ninja moves from The Government that were mistakenly revealed in Napoleon Dynamite!


1. Determine if you really are man or woman enough to obtain this information.

2. Write a letter to The Government saying, "Hey, can you guys send me a copy of those illegal Ninja moves?"

3. Keep these papers in a secure place… we don't want them getting into the wrong hands!


* The address to write to is: The Government

* Attn: Illegal Ninja Moves Dept.

* Washington, DC

* Or something like that.

* Eat yogurt and lots of nuts and things… and really practice hard make sure that you also watch a lot of episodes of The Office (This has nothing to do with learning Ninja moves, but that show is really funny!)


* Close cover before striking.

* After learning these moves remember you are an illegal weapon. Be careful!

* Use a nail clipper when cutting toenails… don't bite them (especially if you bite them too short… Wheeeewwww that really hurts!)

Article added: 03 October 2008

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