Editor's Note: Don't get depressed. Get hot! Follow these instructions and you will soon look like Apollo Ohno.
How to Get Back Into Working Out
1. Find peace within yourself, accept your body and love your body and in doing that you will want to give your body its chance to reach its maximum potential.
2. Trying and failing, which I'm sure we have all done, is not the worst thing because you have accepted you have parts of your body you would like to change.
3. When you have failed with eating healthy and exercizing which you will, and to make matters worse you see your idols on TV and they're super hot, dont get depressed get hot.
4. Fact, your sexy TV celebs don't run squat push ups or sit-ups, what I'm about to tell you will change yor life for the better
5. Go down to your local fast food restaurant and eat and eat until you spew, and when you get hungry do that again, and when the hunger gets too much, binge drink until you spew more and pass out.
6. If this does not appeal to you get a baseball bat and beat someone up you really hate and go to jail for 6 months, where you have nothing else to do but work out and you can't eat to excess in prisons.
7. When you get out of prison you will be a new man or woman.
* if you're a man it's probably not wise to do the first option, because while getting skinny you will gain no muscle tone and look like a homo, not that there's anything wrong with the gays.
* When beating someone up make sure you can actually do it and don't get a beat down yourself.
* If you're thinking these are probably not the best ways to get motivated to workout or lose weight think again, because no one likes looking at a fattie
Article added: 12 March 2010
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Obviously no jailbird.