Editor's Note: Get yourself one of these body things the author mentions, and you are all set to start hitting the ground with a thud.

How to Fall in Public

A brief primer for the interested student of public falling.

 Steps

1. Don't plan ahead.

2. Choose a very public place, preferably one filled with reserved, nicely dressed people. A hotel lobby, shopping mall, even a restaurant entry/exit would do well.

3. Determine what the cover up will be. Did you trip on your own feet? Was there an object you didn't see in your way? Did you walk into somebody without seeing them? This part is important if you want to pull it off successfully and be idolized by every observer.

4. Once the cover up has been determined, gather all the courage you have and shut off all brain functions until after the fall.

5. Make the fall!

6. Preferably, scream when you are going down, and kick your arms and legs wildly.

7. Stay on the floor for several seconds, making diabetic squirrel noises.

8. Get up.

9. Walk away.

10. Find a quiet place to let the adrenalin rush wear off, then quietly rejoin civilization.

 Tips

* The shutting off brain functions is a crucial step. If you allow yourself to consider what
happens after the fall, most likely you will lose determination and wimp out.

* It is also fun to fall when no one else is watching. This is when you know you are a truly dedicated faller.

* Meat ball

 Warnings

* Don't fall off a balcony of any height.

* Don't fall in the middle of the street.

* Don't fall while surrounded by a swarm of cats softly throwing bananas at you. They might end up beating you with warm sticks (I speak from experience).

 Things You'll Need

* Heroic Courage

* Determination

* A body


Article added: 20 April 2009


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