Editor's Note: Any wiki does seem to attract plenty of articles about how to do it. But how not to do it can be amusing too.

How to Fake an Orgasm

Are you just wanting it to end so you can go to sleep? Are you not wanting to hurt his/her feelings? Then fake it!

 Steps

1. Start early. Blame it on your hormones, how hot he/she looked all night, blame it on the foreplay, but start telling your partner that 'you're close', 'you're ready', 'duck and cover', 'mentos the freshmaker', or whatever else usually indicates an oncoming orgasm. If this is a one night stand, any of these may work.

2. If you're a GIRL, its good to familiarize yourself with your Kegel muscles. Practice clenching them in a rapid succession of movements, this will feel like an orgasm on your partner's erect penis or fingers. If you're a guy, get the condom off as soon as possible and run like heck.

3. Start to moan, groan, scream, whimper, or go silent—make sure that you replicate whatever sounds you USUALLY make during an orgasm, that way in the future you don't make your partner suspicious…

4. Make it about them.

 Tips

* Something that works for the author is 'going too soon'. This eases the guilt for your partner, and doesn't make them feel like they need to go all night. They feel like they can orgasm as soon as they're ready.

* Don't feel bad about taking care of business once they've gone to sleep.

* This author recommends a good 4 minutes of foreplay, and 2 minutes of actual sex, whatever form that may take.

 Warnings

* Remember not to overdo it. If you aren't a screamer, don't scream. This isn't a Broadway show, you aren't competing for an Oscar. Be quick, be firm, be DONE.

* Don't neglect your 'post o' duties. Lay around, smoke a cigarette, go pee, order pizza, do all the things you would normally do, but secretly be happy that you're doing them a half an hour sooner.

 Things You'll Need

* A good night's sleep so you can actually get up in the morning.

* Genitalia

* A sexual partner

* This author recommends contraceptives.


Article added: 06 June 2008


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Don't just lie there
like some vegetable!


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