Editor's Note: Step four reminds us that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

How to Stop Enjoying Current Affairs Programs on TV and Start Enjoying Programs Kids Your Own Age Do

Do you have trouble watching the programs most people your own age enjoy? Don't distress, it's not your fault.


1. With a sharp scalpel, just above the eye brows, cut a thin line.

2. Using a power tool (such as Dremel) cut over the line previously made to open the cranium. This may take some force.

3. (You may need assistance from a friend for this step.) Reach into the open skull. Remove a large chunk of either the right or left hemisphere of the brain. This may involve some cutting along the corpus callosum. Beware not to cut too deep into the brain or too far back, simply cut out one large chunk of the frontal lobe.

4. Close the skull and sew it all back together. Feed the removed section to a loved household pet or neighborhood stray to avoid waste.

5. Pop on the tube and find the next episode of "Jersey Shore". Enjoy, at last.


* If you are not comfortable opening the cranium simply bang your head against the wall until you see a large dent. Enough damage should be done to make MTV palatable.


* Once you remove your brain, you will fit in much better with the masses, but you will have no idea how stupid you really are. Just keep it in mind.

Article added: 14 January 2011

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The bigger the eyes,
the more bad TV you
can watch.

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