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How to Tell Apart an Elephant from an Apple

Sick of confusing your favorite fruit with a large herbivore? Read details on how to avoid this embarrassing mistake!

  Steps

1. First assess the size of said object, is it smaller than you or bigger? If it is bigger it is *most likely* an elephant, however there are big apples too.

2. Is the object moving or not? This is often a tell-tale clue of an elephant disguising itself as an apple.

3. Listen carefully, do you hear ear-drum-shattering trumpeting, or sweet nothingness? Apples, in most cases, do not make sound. This is an important clue.

4. Check out the color and texture, is it smooth, green or red? Think apple. On the other hand, is it grey, hairy and wobbly? Think not apple.

5. If all else fails, take a quick bite and be prepared to either run for your life, or enjoy the vitamins.

  Tips

* Practice makes perfect! Don't get discouraged if you get it wrong the first few times, many people do!

  Warnings

* Elephants are an endangered species. I don't condone the biting of endangered species.

* Do it if *all else fails* and you *absolutely* need to know. Otherwise just walk away and try to live with the fact you will never know what you were dealing with.


Article Added: 17 December 2007


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Attention! This article
will NOT help in
discerning an
elephant from an
orange.


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