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How to Eat a Pony

In order to eat a pony, one must first think like a pony. Here are some examples of what should pass through your mind:

Yum, hay.
I am a pony.
Look at me, I am a pony.
I am frolicking.
I'm not eating that shoddy crap.
Hello Arthur, would you like some elevenses?
Wholesome grains, but cakey!?
'Are you a horse?' 'No, I'm a baker'


* Cinnamon
* Basil
* Brian
* And a pony


1. First, one would need to catch the pony itself. Pony traps are available at your local greengrocers.

2. After obtaining the trap, locate a field in which ponies have been spotted frolicking.

3. Set the pony trap upon a high hill, preferably in the tallest tower you can, as you may be in with a chance of catching a mysterious climbing pony.

4. Set up the trap amongst grass and other illicit substances if necessary, as this will lure in smack-head ponies too.

5. Once the pony has been caught, make sure it is tender, feeding it nothing but wholegrain for eight years. This will aid its succulence and juiciness.

6. We recommend you begin by starting on the tail, gently deep throat the tail down slowly, until you reach its rectum.

7. Then begin on the bodywork, this is where the succulence will really come in, maybe add some spices and herbs to add that extra kick (as well as the one you'll get from it's remaining rear legs).

8. Lastly, you must eat the pony's head. This is a rare delicacy in many countries such as Japan, and must be eaten with caution. Alternately, sell it on eBay.



* Do not make any attempt to cook the horse

* Ensure the horse has been fed organically

* As we say, this is an entirely humane way of dying for the pony, and it will feel no pain


* Horses are dangerous.

* Never eat a horse. This is strictly used as a joke. Do not eat it!

Article added: 29 September 2008

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If you can't find a
pony, it's back to the
standard chicken

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