Editor's Note: Here is an article written by a tween stuck in two worlds, maybe? The writer seems to know that the utility is a little young for her, and yet, is still mysteriously seduced to stay and to help others to dive in and explore the virtual world of Orkut.

How to Create and Maintain an Orkut Profile

This article has the intention to help people that don't have an Orkut profile yet, or the ones that were unsuccessful and want to make a brand new start on "virtual social life".

Observation: Here, we have in mind the worst situation a person could be in. (We figure that you're ugly, poor and retarded).

 Steps

 Basic Stuff

1. Before you start, buy a computer (can be at Casas Bahia, but make sure that NO ONE’ll never know about that).

2. Make sure you have internet. Don't need to be a fast one and even don't need to be a cheap one, you can use IG. The only thing you need is a phone. Please, don't tell us you don't have a phone.

 Getting Started

1. First of all, turn on your PC. You must pay your Electric Company to do that. Or not.

2. After that, connect to internet. If you are poor and use IG, connect after midnight or on Sundays, because it's cheaper.

3. Open your browser. With "R". Not BOWSER. Bowser is the guy from Mario. Nice guy.

4. Type www.orkut.com. (One of the most common mistakes is to write this wrong.)

5. Click on "SIGN UP" (wow!)

6. Make sure you'll fill in everything. You don't need to read the "Terms of Service". No one does that.

 Here… We… Go! (you'll only get this joke if you've seen Batman - The Dark Knight. If you don't, well… You don't deserve to laugh anyway).

1. Yeah. Now you have an Orkut. Go on and click Edit Profile. It's there where all the magic happens. Or not.

2. Don't read the "lucky of the day". Please. And for GOD'S SAKE, DON'T PUT YOUR LUCKY ON MSN.

3. It's extremely important to search for ridiculous fonts and copy them in your first name. In your second name, well, put something really imbecile, like a band you like (Blink 182, Pink Floyd, NX Z… No, please don't put the last one), an organized team you wanna join but was never accepted (like 'S.E.P.', or 'Fúria'. Ok, forget 'Fúria'. Anyone can join that).

4. Well, if you are an idiot, don't fill in anything else. The less the people know about you, the better. Pretend that you are mysterious. DON'T FILL IN ANYTHING, PLEASEEEEE!

5. The main thing in "About Me:" is to do like everyone: put phrases or lyrics that means a lot to you (don't be innocent, It doesn't mean anything for the rest of us). BUT PLEASE, BE CAREFUL TO NOT PUT STUFF ABOUT YOURSELF. People will think that you are an idiot. Please, don't make them see the truth so easily.

6. Put a picture. You know, that one that focus your hair/eye, and that no one can see a thing of you.

 Maintenance

1. Join your school community and add everyone. I mean EVERYONE. Don't care if the person studied at it on 1967, just add him. He's related with you. (False, but you need to add the most people you can).

2. Delete your scraps. Don't make a chance to everyone see how unpopular you are. It's better nothing than less than 10.

3. Always actualize your albums. Get some pictures of nice places from Google and pretend that you were there.

4. Create a Buddy Poke. It's idiotic, it's useless, but people like it. Annoy everyone with it.

5. The best way of getting successful is: Add many people on Orkut, and then ask for their MSN. Get involved with them and become friends, just to receive more depoiments on Orkut. Yeah, virtual life ROCKS!

 Tips

* Don't be stupid enough to access Orkut by LAN Houses. Don't throw your money away.

* The less people know about you, the better.

* The more you know Photoshop, the prettier you get.

* In Orkut, the more friends you have, the more human you are.

* You should always view other peoples profiles to join the new trends. And, of course, to know about others people's life. Gossip is the middle name of Orkut.

* Well, finalizing; one day they will grow up and join MySpace. Be prepared to do that. Orkut SUCKS!


Article added: 24 November 2008


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It's only Orkut, but
DO try to stay awake!


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