Editors Note: How did we decide to use this article? One editor was outraged and said "No way!" The other laughed so much he nearly wet himself. We took the average of those responses, and here's the article…

How to View Your Son/Daughter's MySpace Page

The recent MySpace phenomenon has given way to many parents' concerns about just what their children are talking about and planning behind their backs, with the anonymity of a private MySpace profile. I believe that our children should not be able to have unmonitored access to such a potentially dangerous website, and I'm sure that many other parents feel the same way. Here is the method I've found to be most successful in gaining access to a child's profile.


1. Many parents have come to me for advice on this subject, and I've found the only method that works every single time is the tried and true waterboarding.

2. To start off, you will need a large piece of plywood and some straps to attach on each end.

3. Be sure to place the board on a surface that is not susceptible to water damage.

4. Strap the child's hands and feet down to the board and place a washcloth or sponge over the face. Make sure the ENTIRE face is covered.

5. Fill a large bucket with water.

6. Begin to pour the water over the face, keeping a steady, heavy stream.

7. When the child begins to convulse heavily, continue pouring the water for another forty seconds.

8. Ask for the password. If they do not cooperate, repeat steps 1-7.


* Get to the point. Your kids may be posting pictures of themselves drunk. Don't be shy with the flow of the water.


* More than 6 minutes 50 seconds of waterboarding has been known to endanger the health of the child. Proceed at your own risk.

Article added: 28 December 2007

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Time to give up the password, Bro.

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