Editor's Note: This is about how to buy one olive. If you need two olives, follow the instructions and then repeat.

How to Buy an Olive

Ever wondered how to enter the perilous world of purchasing olives? Its not as easy as you might thinkā€¦


1. Search for a local olive-monger, preferably near to your hometown. These are few and far between, so we have compiled a list of websites for you to look at. These sites will be in the tips section.

2. Once you have located your olive-monger, its time to visit him/her.

3. Set an appointment with him/her. We don't want to be sexist, do we?

4. Remember to wear dungarees, preferably acid-wash, as seen in '16 and Pregnant'.

5. Go to your appointment, and greet your olive-monger with a curtsey and a simple "Howdy, partner." Remember to say it in a posh manner, you wouldn't want your monger to think you are common, would you?

6. Discuss the pros and the cons of buying an olive. Make sure you take this seriously, as no good olive monger wants to be laughed at.

7. Finally, pick up a selection of olives. Which ever is right for you, you will know as you will get tingles down your spine and your foot starting to spasm.


* Remember, you don't pick the olive, the olive picks you!


* !

Article added: 17 September 2010

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