Editor's Note: I guess we are all supposed to know that "big personality" is a code word.

How to Bring an End to Your Virgin Status

You are given the inferior title of virgin in our society if you have not yet had sexual intercourse with a man or woman. Here are a few tips on how to become sexually active, especially if you have never done "it" before.

 Steps

1. Choose someone with a big "personality", (If you know what we mean).

2. Start talking to said woman who has a big "personality".

3. Ask if she would like to have sex (as suggested in the article How to tell if your girlfriend wants to have sex with you)… because we are assuming that this is either a new girlfriend, a whore, a one-nighter or your friend's mom.

4. If she doesn't want to have sex, then offer to pay her for said activities.

5. If she denies then you are shit out of luck and you have to start again from step 1 and work your way to step 4.

6. Assuming that the said woman with a great or big "personality" has accepted your offer in either steps three and four, then you begin the process of taking her clothes off on the spot (beware of public locations).

7. FOREPLAY!

8. As you are taking her clothes off, make sure to use your hands to take off her clothes.

9. When you both no longer have clothes on commence Operation Boner.

10. Once Operation Boner is Mission Accomplished begin flight pattern towards the landing site where you will stick a landing.

11. Do it.

12. We hope you enjoyed your flight and are allowed back on later.

 Tips

* Make sure she is not ugly.

* Wear a condom (unless Danger is your middle name).

* Practice makes perfect.

 Warnings

* This is a good way to make babies.

* Make sure not to just completely skip steps 3 and 4 because that could be considered rape. Yes, you would no longer be a virgin, but don't drop the soap in prison.


Article added: 01 January 2010


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