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How to Breed Combat Badgers

Training combat badgers can be a beneficial and fun business model you can implement in your own home. Here's a fun-filled guide on how to do it!


1. Before you start, it is vital to brief yourself on potential markets well in advance. As soon as your stock have reached maturity you will want to have somewhere to send them, believe me.

2. Conventional arms manufacture is a very expensive business to get started in although its profitability is renowned. You will need lots of costly engineering equipment and an international sales force sufficiently well funded to entertain customers and make unofficial contributions on a lavish scale. Such a business is well beyond the means of the solitary amateur or part timer, or is it?

3. The world is full of emergent nations or fractions who do not enjoy the financial support they need to further their claims. Lack of a means needed to purchase conventional arms compels both the repressed populations and the petty dictator to limit their confrontations to the throwing of bad eggs. Substantial increases in the cost of arms replenishment cycles of even large political entities has caused a growing need for an economic and equally effective alternative.

4. As yet, the market for small, highly trained and incredibly ferocious animals is grossly underexploited and the doors of opportunity are wide open. With the minimum of outlays you can establish adequate facilities for revolutionizing the arms business in no more than a few weeks. Time and a little effort are all you need to influence the destinies of dozens of communities through out the world by setting up in the combat badger business.

5. Breeding pens can be constructed in your own home using T-section steel framing and military grade electrified wire mesh. The pen should be constructed on top of large adjacent surfaces. A large pair of tongs can be adapted to grip feed bowls and water dishes and a standard welders helmet will protect you from the sprayed venom. You are now ready to acquire your breeding herd.

6. The finest strain of combat badger originate from New Zealand and are renowned across the world for their close quarter work. Reaction times are extraordinarily quick so the greatest care should be taken when handling. They are reputed to be able to strip a man to the bones in less than a week of frenzied nibbling. So be warned! Any lapse in your vigilance, however fleeting, could be fatal.

7. The outer perimeter of the breeding pens should be checked at daily intervals. This is particularly important during the early stages of badger's development, before they have begun to respond to training. Until you have succeeded in establishing your mastery they should be kept in individual cages, as they are not likely to savage one another but are also capable of working together to devise some means of escape.

8. Even when they have reached the stage at which they can be moved to communal compounds for group training and drilling be on the lookout for any huddled, whispering groups, particularly around their tiny vaulting horse.

9. Training is facilitated by keeping back one to two of an earlier brood which have attained an unusually high degree of proficiency. These can be placed in charge of the younger recruits and in exchange for extra rations, leave etc, will help to maintain control when you are off duty or often drunk due to the stress of this endeavor.

10. The trickiest part of New Zealand Combat Badger breeding is mating. There is a clearly defined procedure to be followed. First place the male and female in adjacent pens, then lightly stun each with a small spade. Bring the unconscious male to the female and glue them together, having first muzzled them and placed little leather bags on their feet. In their struggles to separate they will find that the close union is not unpleasant and thus the union will be made. It is then vital to apply the spade once more, not only to make separating them easier but also to make them think that the process is not quite as pleasurable as they first thought. Thus their fighting efficiency is maintained.

11. Happy breeding!


* Badgers can be dangerous, so get yourself a thick pair of gloves.

* Try not to wear stupid or silly hats. These will only enrage the badgers and encourage attack. Badgers hate hats.


* Badgers can be extremely dangerous and cause great harm to anyone that threatens them.

* The claws of the badger are even more dangerous than most people think. The danger isn't just the claw itself, it's the bacteria that can be transferred to the person being attacked.

* Remember, you will be taking ordinary badgers and training them for combat, MAKING THEM MORE DANGEROUS.

* Try not to sell combat badgers to unscrupulous people, they may use them against you. Instead shoot for factions of the military, or super-villains.

Article Added: 04 March 2010

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The stuffed ones are
less aggressive.

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