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How to Break a Calculator

Have you ever wanted to do a warm-up with your calculator (lol, corny joke there!)
Or do you hate all math so much that you just want to explode a calculator?
Well lucky you, this article is here to help you do just that— Break your calculator at all costs!
Ohhhh… It's EVIL just look at it menacing and plotting the destruction of earth…
Let's stop it's plans NOW!


1. Realize that all things math are evil! Once you realize that, you will find that calculators are math-related and we need to rid the world of all things math. Knowing that, destroying all calculators will be an easy and simple task. Your mission is to destroy all calculators before they destroy you. Good Luck!

2. Decide how you want to destroy it. There are many creative ways to destroy the calculators, thereby foiling their evil plans to take over the world with math. The ways discussed in this article are the explosion by heat, severe blows from your little friend the HAMMER, the soaking with water, solar power strikes back!, and the hot potato method. Take your pick. They all do the job, if done correctly and with enough force.

3. Explosion by microwave. Although this sounds the most dangerous, it's really not — if you are quick in doing it. It's not any more dangerous than setting off those illegal fireworks we all admit to doing! To destroy a calculator by explosion by heat, simply: Put it in the microwave on HIGH for 60 minutes. Understanding that calculators are made of evil metal, you must not stand close by, as the microwave will emit sparks and then start on fire (No, microwaves aren't evil like calculators are, but the are heroes making the ultimate sacrifice to foil the calculators plans; like soldiers)

4. Explosion by toaster. Again, toasters are like microwaves, heroes willingly making the ultimate sacrifice to wipe out all things mathematics. Just put the calculator in the toaster slots as you would a piece of toast, on the highest setting possible and get away!

5. Solar Power strikes back! Think solar power is a calculator's best friend? Well, think again! take a magnifying glass and put it up to the sun, thus lighting the evil calculator on fire! Note: WE have nothing against ants, so don't do this to ants, that's not nice!

6. Soaking. It's time for the evil calculators to take a swim in some cold, destructive H20 Water! Just drop them in any pool, sink, cup, lake, pond, ocean, sea, river, bay, or best yet, the toilet! Send those evil math tools to their watery grave!

7. It's hammer time! Just simply take a hammer and give those evil things a few hard blows to the screen and buttons and there we have it! Destroyed!

8. Hot Potato. This one is kind of fun, although it does take a while to do. First, get some people to play hot potato and put blindfolds around them. guess what you will be using for a hot potato! If you said calculator, you are right! You will likely drop it a lot, hopefully breaking it!


* Recruit more anti-math soldiers!


* Don't do this while you still need it for an exam or math class (also evil).

* Don't hurt yourself while doing this, although you can be considered an anti-math soldier, making the ultimate sacrifice, but seriously, it's an inanimate object, don't hurt yourself.

Article added: 27 October 2008

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Harboring evil
math thoughts?

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