Editor's Note: This article in combination with our article on how to sell your friend on EBay, could make you quite a rich person.

How to Befriend a Fuzzle

You see cottonwood fluff EVERYWHERE in the summertime and you just sit there and watch it float by, but do you ever wish you could talk to a fuzzle? Well here is your chance!

Oooh. Look at all the fuzzles!


1. Locate your fuzzle This should be a relatively fluffy fuzzle, completely white, and most importantly, make sure that it is, in fact a fuzzle and not just a ball of cat fluff. Cat fluff is not easy to befriend as there is so much of it year round and there have been countless "man-eating cat fur attacks", so be sure that it is an authentic cotton fuzzle and not a cat fur imitation fuzzle, as these are dangerous.

2. Refer to them as fuzzles. Make sure, and I can't stress this enough, DO NOT refer to your fuzzle as "cotton from a cottonwood tree" as this sounds like a know-it-all, or some type of nerd, and if your fuzzle detects that quality in you, they will either ignore you, or worse, they could even attack you, as fuzzles hate know-it-alls. You must refer to them as fuzzles becuase that is the only name they will answer to. Fluffies, or fuzzies also work though.

3. Talk to your fuzzle. Communication is key with befriending a fuzzle, without talking to your fuzzle it is near impossible to be their friend. Just start a good and interesting conversation and before long, your fuzzle will start talking too! Their english is a little off, and their native language is Gibberish, but you should still be able to understand them for the most part. Do not for any reason, make fun of their english or accent. They are very sensitive about it and you could easily hurt their feelings, possibly resulting in an attack. Some good topics to discuss are:

  * Peanut Butter
  * Spongebob Squarepants
  * Socks
  * Brownies
  * Bananas

4. Just be sure that they understand you, and you understand them. Don't discuss anything serious or political, because fuzzles like to make jokes about everything.

5. Give your fuzzle a pet name This should be a short & sweet one or two syllable word like:

  * Socks
  * Fluffy
  * Babicus
  * Kodak

6. This should capture the personality of the fuzzle and should always be positive and nice, but never a mean spirited nickname that will make the fuzzle explode with rage.

7. Spend time with your fuzzle. If you avoid or ignore the fuzzle, they will, yep you guessed it, attack! You really don't want to upset them. So person-fuzzle-bonding is always a good idea. Take your fuzzle to see movies (Only animated ones, rated G for younger fuzzles, but some fuzzles will only watch rated R ones with lots of swearing and vularity!) Go to the library with your fuzzle and read to it, take your fuzzle to Chuckie Cheeses (Fuzzles love Chuckie Cheezes!) Take them on vacation, just whatever you feel like! Just don't take them to school, as they will get desperately bored and either die of boredom, or attack the nearest person, student, or authority figure (Fuzzles hate authority).


* Don't make your fuzzle mad — It will attack!

* There have been many vicious man-eating fuzzle attacks, so watch out!

Article Added: 07 December 2009

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