Editor's Note: We bring this article to you in its original splendor, off-topic ramblings, nutty made up words, legalistic mumbo-jumbo and all, just as it briefly appeared before it was summarily deleted from the world's largest wiki How-to manual. Enjoy!

How to Become President

Becoming a president isn't easy. It will take hard work and concentration, maybe even a degree in mathematics. Nevertheless, just as it is stated in the constituents of the tuition anyone naturally born in the United States can run for president. Get your ballot measures ready, it's time to become the President of the United States!


1. Buy an expensive car and attract many rich and important friends. Having a plane and knowing how to fly it won't hurt. It's important that you concentrate on hanging out in places that are 'up-scale' and where many famous people sow their oats. In order to gain much national recognition you have to pass time with people who are in the mainstream media, like Brooks and Dunn, or contra dance superstar Bobby Grey.

2. If you read the last step (#1) and said to yourself What?! Does this guy even know what he's talking about???, then you've led me to my next point:

3. Never trust anyone.

4. This is crucial to the success of a presidential wannabe. If you go around, trusting everyone, building 'solid' and 'beneficial' relationships thinking it's going to get you to the top, think again. Running for president is like being a contestant on American Gladiator. No one knows who you are or where you came from, but it's fun (for them) to be watching you on a Saturday morning while (they are) eating Honey Nut Cheerios.

5. The last step in becoming president is getting the most votes (among) all the other presidential contestants. Si hagas eso, seguro k ganaras!

6. Si ya no me entiende, es probable que no tiene el merito para ser el presidente de los Estados Unidos. Hay que poder comunicar con mucha gente si quieres ser el dueno de este pais. Basicamente, si uno se habla dos idiomas, automaticamente va a ganar la plaza como presidente. Ser presidente no es solo un juego divertido para ninos, pero tambien un trabajo serio en cual usara todo de su experiencia personal que adquiere durante la vida.

7. If you didn't understand the last portion of this document its probably because you don't have what it takes to lead the free world. A president needs to be able to speak at least two languages, at least. If you can't muster up anything other than some Engle, well my friend, you're just a lame duck. Pardon my French.

8. For all of you who are still in this race, I have one last step for you, and I can't stress this enough. Study, study and study some more. Studying was found to be the single most important factor in the daily life of a professional salesperson/golfer.

9. Golfers were found to have longer attention spans than rugby players, and salespeople tended to be able to spot a black spotted mountain lion quicker than other participants. The point here is that being the president is four parts politics, two parts play and yep, you guessed it: four parts studying.

10. I hope this helps everyone in their neverending quest for personal excellence.


* Try not to be un-presidential during dinner parties and other social occasions.

* It's important that you wear your best suit and always take your dry cleaning clothes to the nicer part of town, where people will see you and think about how wonderful you are.

* Never say never.

* Presidents are as presidents does.

* You can never have too many people in the Senate.

* Work to be a leader, help others as if you were a normal human being.

* No one likes a snitch


* All of the information in this wikiHow is purely based on fact and should be taken with extreme seriousness, except for the 50th and 51st lines of typed text.

* 50th and 51st lines of this text may or may not mean the line written above this line.

* All lines should be scrutinized and analyzed with the utmost caution towards versatility in common restraints of residual nonsensical premonitions.

* This is recommended only for those with an extreme desire to be the President of the US.

*This is to be used solely as a source of entertainment.

Article added: 19 November 2007

wikiHowl collects funny how-to articles deleted from wikiHow.com, and brings them to you when you are looking for a laugh. wikiHow's content is shared under a Creative Commons license; with author credits for these silly or bizarre how-to's available via wikiHow's Deletion Log.

You can save a lot
of moolah by making
your own signs.

Bookmark and Share