Editor's Note: You may never achieve your dream of becoming a tree octopus, and the Maple Leafs may be a bit out of your league, but with this article you can become a tree. This is not a joke. Okay, well maybe just a little joke...

How to Be a Tree

Have you ever wished you were a tree? Ever wished to be made of wood and grow leaves? Well, why not do the next best thing? Pretending to be a tree. This can be a fun way to feel like a tree and trick your friends into believing you really are one.


1. Select the location of where you would like to pretend to be a tree. Consider whether you would want to be in a busy place with people, or whether you would like to be surrounded by fellow trees.

2. Decide what sort of tree you would like to be, (e.g. elm, gum tree, oak).

3. Stand in your desired location and hold your legs straight together without moving. Bend your body and arms to give yourself branches.

4. Once you have closed your eyes, it will be near impossible to realise you are not a tree.

5. Breathe shallowly and do not move (unless there is wind) for as long as you would like to be a tree.

6. Have fun!


* Try to wear brown or pale clothes to create more realism.

* Pretend to be a tree in a place with good sunlight as this is good for your overall health.

* Even though it may be fun to make sound effects as a tree, there are not many trees which make sounds so it may give away your disguise.

* Use your tree disguise to benefit others by producing shade for them. They may reward you in return with water or tree hugs.


* No leavesdropping. You may lose your friends' trust if they found out you were pretending to be a tree where they were having a private conversation.

* Nesting birds may prove to be a havoc.

* The government or council of the area may try to bulldoze you down.

* Be alert of lumberjacks passing by.

* Thunderstorms are dangerous to tall trees.

*Beware of tree lovers who just don't know when to stop and who don't realise no means no.

* Walking trees are very scary and may not be a good idea in case the police become involved.

Article added: 18 February 2008

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You could be a hunk
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