Editor's Note: Don't fall for the illusion that you can become really smart just by reading articles about how to be smart. You have to read an article about how to be REALLY smart, like for example, this one!

How to Be Really Smart

A guide to being ridiculously intellectually advanced.


1. DO NOT READ THE ARTICLE ENTITLED, "How to Be Smart". It contains bad grammar and lacks precision. Thus, it is not understandable, nor useful in an attempt to further one's knowledge of the world and how to make use of it.

2. Knowledge is ubiquitous. Therefore, owning striped socks will increase your intellect levels, as striped socks are ubiquitous as well.

3. Valuable possessions are often the key to success, thus owning something with a superior magnitude will lead to a synergy of knowledge. Now, go find a ladybug, fetch some pink paint and coat your ladybug with it. Make sure your ladybug does not go into cardiac arrest. If this is to occur, make use of an AED immediately. Otherwise, keep your pink ladybug close. It is an important part of your future prosperity and power.

4. Don't buy Vista. Just don't.

5. Cellphones kill brain cells. To maximize your intelligence, be sure to stand in front of a microwave instead.

6. Humans are not created to smoke. Stop being an asshole and think of others for once. Stop fucking smoking in front of exits. It's annoying and honestly, we chose to save our health. You're more than welcome to kill yourself from the inside, just don't do it when we're around.

7. Oh, and don't drink. You have a liver for a reason.

8. Don't drink and drive either. The last thing we need is your carelessness causing the death of others, perhaps even yourself.

9. Bookmark this article. Do it, you know you want to. If you don`t, you will die.

10. Number nine is true. Now be SMART and DO IT.


* After following this article, I won the lottery, lost twenty pounds and met the girl of my dreams. So, if you follow this article, you will too. Plus, EVERYONE thinks I'm really, really smart.


* If you do not follow this article exactly, you WILL die.

* And soon, too.

* Oh, and you'll be dumb.

Article added: 13 March 2009

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Studies show you
have to be pretty
smart to choose a
nice pair of glasses.

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