Editor's Note: This article could be your ticket to dullsville land, which could be handy if your dance card of life is just a bit too full. Don't delay. Stop being fascinating today.

How to Be Really Really Boring

Eleven quick and easy steps to becoming a bore! If you are reading this, you are already on your way to becoming boring! This article will detail exactly how you can change your active, fun, and social lifestyle into becoming a complete bore and loser.


1. Stop any and all hobbies. They are the first mark of being an interesting person. Having things to do really makes you feel busy and often times can require social interaction. Cut it out.

2. Stop smiling. Emotion makes you personable. So stop expressing your emotions.

3. Remove any distinctive characteristics about yourself. Uniqueness is next to interesting.

4. Avoid social contact. Being around people can tempt you into becoming social, and in being social you might run the risk of becoming sociable. Avoid the situation altogether.

5. Quit your job. Money is highly unnecessary. After all, love of money is the root of all evil… and boring people are far from evil.

6. Spend the majority of your time on the Internet. Be sure to make extra free time out of your day to allow for that extra websurfing across pointless pages.

7. Start a blog. Document your successes for everyone to see how you are progressing!

8. Forget about personal hygiene. Don't become a slob, (because that is repulsive, and can become a definitive characteristic)… just don't take very good care of yourself.

9. Slouch. Good posture is a sign of either high self-confidence or egotism.

10. Speak at an absurdly low volume. Be sure to not speak too quietly, because it can
frustrate or disturb people, which defeats the purpose of being a fly on the wall.

11. Play old-school Nintendo games for hours on end. Yell loudly in mock frustration if you lose.


* Most importantly, remember: Don't have any fun! At all.


* Stay out of the sun. Tanned skin can look healthy.

* Avoid vitamins

* Avoid all possible forms of emotion.

* If you absolutely MUST talk to someone, avoid eye contact during conversations.

* Answer all questions with as few words as possible. (One word answers are great!)

* Avoid any other defining characteristics or behaviors.

Article added: 01 September 2008

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If you're a man,
don't wear pink.
If you're a girl, do.

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