Editor's Note: Names have been deleted or changed to protect the innocent high school acquaintances of this erudite author.

How to Be Legendary

This is a discussion about what is needed in order to be considered to have attained legendary status. This is an achievement that has been accomplished by few men (it is impossible for women to be legendary). The following are a few ways in which it is possible to go down in history as a legendary person.


1. Ghandi and or Winston Churchill.

2. Achieve the nickname of home-wrecker and still hook up with girls who have boyfriends of 5+ years.

3. Have the dancing skills of Chris Breezy (the senator not the singer).

4. Break a girl's tailbone, on her birthday, and deny all allegations of being involved.

5. Have the highest score on travelers IQ when not having actually traveled to any of the places.

6. Wear a Batman, Robin, or Penguin costume suited for a child or a small man and rock it.

7. Celebrate Mardi Gras in November.

8. NOT have a laptop that is comparable to your most annoying friend's telephone.

9. Be your most annoying friend for Halloween and call regular timeouts to explain your feelings at that moment.

10. Take redic road troops on a completely random night of the week dressed as Top Gun characters (volley ball scene) when it's nowhere near the end of October.

11. Wear aviators on Fridays.

12. Frequently quote the word epic.

13. Be able to get a 90% or above on any Disney trivia quiz.

14. Have an entire conversation in the phonetic alphabet.

15. Be a religious follower of the Rules of federal procedure.

16. Go to a bar with the intentions of doing just two and end up leaving with a $100 bar tab.

17. Have a person who writes out your daily itinerary.

18. Be able to use a random body part as an instrument.

19. Engage in unspeakable acts while on vicodin.

20. Actually follow the Ten Commandments.

21. Swim with a shark that has vicious propensities.

22. Have a dance-off with no judge.

23. Order 3 for 5 Doms by yourself.

24. Build a lego castle big enough for you to stand in.

25. Have a best chest / ass contest at a bar with random broads being the judges.

26. Wear a fake mustache at least once a month for an entire year.

27. French kiss a girl's hand.

28. Write a redic article on wikiHow about how to be legendary.

29. Be able to name all 101 Dalmations.

30. NOT be a silly lib (nayyyy).

31. Headbutt a dartboard multiple times or until concussed.

32. Buy bubblegum cigarettes to smoke with the actual smokers outside of a building.

33. Drink a liter of substandard liquor to the face.

34. Have an RPS challenge tournament in the middle of class. To the victor go the spoils.

35. Barter away your girlfriend or significant other.

36. Propose to a girl you just met to be your girlfriend or at least give you a hand job that night.

37. Rock spillage (reference how to wear cologne).

38. Eat an entire funfetti cake and entire batch of funfetti cupcakes in one sitting.

39. Marry a belly dancer.

40. Have the voice of Mufasa.

41. Use a #1 pencil on a scantron test.

42. Give a speech to children in grade schools and use the word fingered and blow job without anyone realizing.

43. Watch illegal feeds of a sport in another country during class.

44. Commit an assault and battery with a pair of blue jeans.

45. Capture a leprechaun.

46. Boom boom in someone's zoom zoom.

47. Your actual name is a type of badass animal. Like bear, tiger, or shark.

48. Mow your lawn naked.

49. Take on the Smiley Face gang drunk, and by yourself.

50. Throw a football at a kid's face with intent to injure during practice.


* If you're trying to be legendary, you're not legendary.


* Being legendary is a way of life and is not for the weak of heart. Chicks will probably hate you for your status but god dammit they will respect you.

Article added: 15 December 2008

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Being legendary
comes in handy
when the cat misbehaves.

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