Editor's Note: In some corners of this lonely universe, we are supposed to believe that people are looking for instructions on how to exploit the social powers of corndogs and hushpuppies? What a joke!
How to Start a Battered Food ClubSome people just LOVE battered food. So why not start a Battered Food Club? It's original, fun and (best of all) quirky! So cool!
1. If it is possible, find a group of people who share your love of battered food (or if you have no friends, one person is OK, or even just yourself is acceptable). I mean, who needs people to be in a club?!
2. Eat battered food with that person/group/yourself on one occasion.
3. Be sure to tell EVERYONE you know about how fun it was!
4. Be sure to exaggerate and make up incidents that didn't actually happen when you were eating your battered food. It doesn't matter if they are complete lies, those fools
who aren't in the battered club will NEVER KNOW.
5. Also be sure to try and make the listener sad and jealous of your food adventures.
6. Tell your housemates about how you and your 'friends' (i.e. unfortunate acquaintance/s) 'made' a battered club.
7. Please ensure this exact phrase is used as you are explaining the battered club. "Me and my friends made a battered club. I wish the walls were made of batter so I could just go like this" (at this point you turn your head sideways -either left or right is fine- and close your eyes and take an imaginary bite out of your imaginary battered wall. THEY WILL BE SO JEALOUS.
8. If anyone asks you 'what will you eat in this battered club?' just say 'Oh, you know; potato scallops and pineapple fritters and other stuff' very vaguely. They will be so jealous and will want to join your battered club; but because it is ridiculously exclusive they CANNOT!
* Definitely exaggerate your cool stories.
* If you wish, you can also make Battered Club business cards, membership cards, t-shirts and other jewelery.
* You could even cross stitch your logo into a necklace pendant and make everyone more jealous!
* People will think you are an insane pathetic excuse for a human being (most likely because you are).
* Pineapple fritters aren't even battered
* Stories of your battered club activities may be passed on to other people, who will also laugh at your foolish behaviour (not laugh with you either, but rather, AT you).
* Too much batter may cause obesity/acne. To combat that just put extra makeup over the pustules.
Things You'll Need
* Friend/s (optional)
* People to brag to
* A wall
* Superiority complex
* Disgusting living habits
* Battered food
Article added: 02 May 2008
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extra pair of eyes
and look for some
friends who might
want to make food
crafts with you.