Editor's Note: Would someone please alert Proctor & Gamble? Surely they will want to tap into the massive new market discovered by this Febreze-loving author.

How to Avoid Your Gassy Roommate

It's the beginning of your freshman year in college. You've just met your roommates, they seem pretty cool. Then its the second night and you're getting ready for bed. She farts. Okay, you think. It was an accident, but no. This little ditty continues every night, suffocating you and your other roommate.

 Steps

1. Febreze is always a must in a situation like this.

2. Avoid breathing at all costs! If you have difficulty doing this (don't worry most need to breathe) breathe through just your mouth.

3. Invest in a gas mask, it works for toxic chemicals right? So it should work for flatulence.

4. When she goes to brush her teeth, mention that you'll keep the door open and do not worry about bringing her key. When she steps out, shut the door.

5. Throw her out the window.

6. Run screaming down the hallway, maybe you'll embarrass her enough to stop. (Don't count on it though.)

 Tips

* Bulk buy the Febreze, it will go by faster than you think.

* Have sleepovers at your friends dorms.

* Suggest her going to visit her boyfriend for the weekend…(Hey, three days of fresh air is better than none).

 Warnings

* DO NOT LAUGH, SHE'LL THINK YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY AND WILL CONTINUE TO LET THEM RIP, JUST FOR ATTENTION. SHE MAY EVEN RAISE HER BUTTOCK INTO THE AIR FOR A LOUDER SOUND EFFECT.

* DO NOT EVER ASK WHY SHE FARTS SO MUCH. HAVING TO ENDURE STORIES ABOUT GAS WILL PUT YOUR EARS IN JUST AS BAD A POSITION AS IS YOUR NOSE.


Article added: 19 December 2008
 

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You can try to cover
it up, but it's still
gonna stink!


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