Editor's Note: The editors are confused and wonder what a vibrator has to do with centipedes and making a lot of them come...

How to Attract a Centipede

For those of you looking for a centipede.


1. Go to a place where there is likely to be a centipede. The garage, or maybe your room?

2. Warm up your voice, remember those things you learned in middle school choir.

3. *Optional* Prepare an accompaniment on the flute or other musical instrument. Centipedes are not partial to a particular instrument except they have an extreme dislike of the banjo and the mandelik.

4. Find a song that is appropriate to your mood. If you are down, try something mellow. Can't have you contradicting yourself.

5. Sing. Start off softly if you're not confident, and then bring yourself to the point where you are belting it. If you are trying to attract a large amount of centipedes, try using a vibrato.


* Do not step on the centipedes, then your singing becomes the music for a centipede funeral. Tears will flood the room you are in… you don't want that.

* Try not to sing too high. If you bust glass, you also risk hurting the centipedes.
   Plus you could hurt yourself too

* Make sure you sing in a place where you don't mind having centipedes.
  Your bed = not a good idea

Article added: 26 September 2008

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