Editor's Note: That fifth limb is the charm.

How to Appear to Be Human

Humans are comparatively simplistic animals. Appearing as a human is surprisingly easy.


1. Choose a Human Being who's appearance you will imitate. If possible, avoid celebrities as their followers may swarm around you. Additionally, avoid world leaders as, without proper security precautions, you may be assassinated. Both of these outcomes may lead to your detection.

2. If your anatomy is of compatible size, use an adhesive to attach "Human like" limbs to yourself. If not, follow the procedure using a surrogate remote controlled robot. The limbs may be artificially constructed out of ordinary raw materials (e.g. marshmallows, ice, duct tape, etc.). 2-5 are the ideal numbers of limbs to install, but allowances can be made depending on available resources.

3. Once you have attached 2-5 limbs, you must select a dye color that is visible to the average Human's visual spectrum (about 400–800 terahertz). Apply this dye liberally to the installed limbs.

4. The final layer is comprised of tightly woven cotton strands. Use the adhesive to cover as much of your body and the installed limbs with this fabric as possible. Depending on the age of the Human you are imitating, rips, patches and stretch marks may be acceptable. This requires further research.

5. Finally, apply polystyrene triangles and circles to the top of your anatomy.

6. You (or your robot) are ready to embark on your mission. To propel yourself forwards, push against the ground with all of your prosthesis that are oriented towards the largest gravitational body.


* Along with celebrities and leaders, avoid convicts and dead people, as these choices tend to lead to complications.

* Attaching fibrous strands to top of your anatomy along with the other geometric shapes allows a more convincing disguise.


* Do not eat other Humans in public areas, experience indicates that their culture does not consider this to be acceptable behavior.

Article added: 22 March 2010

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Put on a happy face.

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